We all know by now from the massive amounts of instagram posts, pumpkin spiced everything, and sudden reappearance of flannel, that it's officially fall. I'm here to tell you why it blows, and we ain't talking about the wind.
1. Leaves - Sure, they look nice and shit, when they're on the trees. But you know where they don't look nice? All over the ground. Fall season arrives and before you know it, we will be knee deep in them. Is this a sidewalk? Who knows, all I see are leaves
2. The Weather - I prefer cold over hot temperatures, and it's not even close. However, those hot days after a nice cool day is a drainer. What's worse is when that happens in the same day, and that happens a lot in the South. Start the day out in your flippy floppys, and then later that same evening your nuts are frozen off. Not ideal.
3. Too Many Events - Fairs, festivals, football--fuck, I don't have enough time for all that. Look I get it, the weather's nice for outdoor events, so naturally people want to go out and do things. But just because the weather's cool doesn't mean I suddenly have eight days a week like the Beatles to go to all these events. Also, let's be honest here: most fairs and Fall festivals kinda suck.
4. Pumpkin This, Pumpkin That - As soon as the calendar officially turns to fall, every damn thing you see is pumpkin themed, decorated, or spiced. Why pumpkins anyway? Let's be honest, they're useless. They don't taste good, especially not in everything in existence (looking at you Pumpkin Spiced Lattes). Don't even get me started on pumpkin picking. On that note, tin foil hat time. I'm calling collusion. All this Pumpkin themed bullshit in the fall is nothing more than a grand conspiracy by pumpkin farmers and your girlfriend. It's just a way to sell more pumpkins, while your lovely significant other drags you out to said pumpkin farm, so they can post a fall themed IG post because...well, who the hell knows.
5. Scarfs - What a useless piece of apparel. Look, I'm sure in the 1800s it was a good way to keep your neck warm. However, our clothing options have evolved since then. There are countless other ways to keep your neck warm that are way more practical and effective. It's time to get with the times, people. I'll only accept scarfs if you're riding a horse and buggy to the mercantile store.